Thankful

I've always known I've had much to be thankful for, but this week has proven to me that God is watchful over all.

Last Monday when I went to pick up the girls from the babysitter, Tessa had just thrown up.  I knew instantly that she had picked up the flu that Rebecca's kids had been battling the week before. We came home that night and poor Tess kept barfing all night long.  Lily was totally fine, so we decided to just play it by ear and see how they were doing in the morning to see if I would go back to work or stay home.

The night was kind of rough - Tess still wasn't feeling great, but Lily still seemed fine, so Sister Lake (the babysitter) said she'd take them and we got ready to head out the door.  Lily looked at me and promptly threw up all over me and the floor.  So....  we stayed home.

Well, the day was FULL of vomit and diarreah.  BAD.  Literally when one was pooping, the other was hurling - back and forth all day. It was NO good.  Tessy woke up that morning with a fever, so I gave her some tylenol and it came down.  She would only sleep if I was holding her, so that afternoon while I was holding her I felt her fever creep back up.

Sarah called me to see if I needed a Diet Coke (YES!!!!) and she came over to see the kiddos.  While she was visiting me, Lily was crashed out on the floor and I was holding sleeping Tessa.  Tessa shot up out of a dead sleep shaking uncontrollably.  At first I thought it was just a nightmare or night terror or something like that so I tried to shake her out of it and get her attention to get her to "wake up."

She didn't.

I think Sarah saw the fear on my face and asked if she should call 911.  She got on the phone and I kept tossing Tessa around, shaking her, shouting at her, trying to get her to snap out of it I guess.  The horror set in when I realized she was blue.  Absolutely positively, purple-lipped blue.  I was screaming uncontrollably, Sarah was on the line with 911 screaming, and Tessa was still shaking.  Her face was twitching, her eyes were rolling around in her head, her body stiffened.  I jammed my finger in her mouth to pry it open, worried that she'd vomit again and breathe it in, and to try to get an airway for her.

The feeling of helplessness completely overwhelmed me.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't act.  I couldn't save my baby.  I really thought I was losing her.  The horror of losing my baby became a reality.

Lily woke up.  She calmly sat up, and just looked at me.  She said "Mommy, Tessa is ok.  Tessa is ok."

I looked at her, and realized that Tessa had started taking small, shallow breaths and her color came back.  She was still unconscious as I layed her on the floor.  I was sobbing, and Lily said again "Mommy, Tessa is ok.  Take deep breaths Mommy.  Take deep breaths like this Mommy."  As calmly as you could imagine, my two-year-old took deep breaths and guided my soul and my heart to peace.  "Deep breaths.  Deep breaths."

Tessa was breathing, the shaking stopped and I heard the sirens.

The paramedics rushed in and quickly had everything under control.   They said it sounded like a febrile seizure and suggested they take her into the Emergency Room to evaluate and further test.  It took a while (as emergency rooms always do), but she received excellent care there.  She will be fine - basically it was a freak, one-time thing brought on by her sudden spike in her fever.  Nonetheless, it was the scariest moment of my life.  But as I was sitting there, in the hospital bed, holding my sleeping baby, I realized how much God was looking out for me:

1) Sarah was there - I don't know what I would have done without her.  She stayed with Lily when I left for the hospital.  She took care of all of the updates to the family.  She was my rock.  Sarah, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you.

2) About 5 minutes after we left for the hospital, Sister Lake called the house to check on the girls.  Sarah told her what had happened, and she showed up at the hospital. She has a special-needs son and has a LOT of experience with seizures, hospitals, etc. and literally held my hand through the doctors, nurses, testing, etc.  She knew the questions to ask, and took so much worry off my mind.

3) That same day there was a massive fire on I-80 (the only way to get out to Seuao's work), and crazy-strong winds blew the power out at his work a few times, so by about 4:30, they all were able to start heading home (they usually work until 7:00).  When Tessa had her seizure, he was already on his way, and was able to meet me at the hospital SO MUCH sooner than if he had been at work the whole day.  Such a blessing.

4) And lastly, the fact that I was there.  I had planned on going to work that morning.  I need to slow down and remember what's truly important.  Heaven knows life will go on at the office, but I know I was where I needed to be, and where my baby needed me to be.

We were able to come home that night and "tried" to get some sleep.  Every time I closed my eyes, I saw my blue, twitching baby, whose eyes were looking right through me.  I don't think that's an image that will ever leave me.  And of course the fear that it will happen again surrounds me.  However, through it all, the prevailing emotion I feel is gratitude.  There aren't words to express how grateful I am to Heavenly Father for my precious family.  For my husband who adores his girls, for Lily's closeness to the Spirit and her celestial understanding of what was happening, and for my sweet Tessa.  Beautiful sweet Tessa.

Well, on Wednesday, I thought the girls were bouncing back, until Tessa proceeded to vomit all over the doctor's office for her follow-up and Lily's stomach was cramping so badly she was howling in pain I knew we still have a ways to go.  Tessa now has an ear infection/sore throat, probable UTI and yeast infection, along with the stomach flu and completely raw backside, so she's not exactly a happy camper.  Lily is now fevering a bit and has turned up the whine factor by about a million percent (i.e. everything that touches her throws her into wails and tears and demands a princess band-aid.... yeah...)

So, we are still in the throes of stomach flu bliss over here, but when facing the reality that life is NOT in your own hands, that Someone else is in charge, the only place you can place your heart and your trust is in God's care. The only place.