Mom

When we found out my mom had a brain tumor a little over a month ago, I didn’t really know what to think. There were so many questions, so many variables, so many unknowns.

As she went to the specialists and the picture became clearer, the reality of the situation set in. It seemed that the more information we had, the more nervous I became. I tried not to let my mind wander into the “unthinkable” zone, but it did. Frequently.

No one talked about it. None of us questioned the “what if?”

My heart wouldn’t let it go.

I kept trying to brush it aside. Trying to be strong for her, but mostly for me. Trying to pretend it wasn’t bothering me, but it was…

On Easter weekend as all the kids were egg-hunting and the family was together, Sarah started taking pictures of Mom with each of the grand kids. My mind went there again… I finally asked Mary (arguably the most level-headed when it comes to medical stuff) if she was worried. She confided that she was. She said there are just so many things that can go wrong. It’s just scary.

Later that evening my Dad gave Mom a blessing in preparation for her surgery the following week. I did feel a glimmer of peace, but my fears were deep rooted, and I wasn’t ready to let go of them quite yet.

I went to the hospital early Wednesday morning to wait with Granny and Mary. Mary works directly with the surgeons there, and had coordinated the “A” Team to take care of our Mom. I knew she was in good hands, but the thought of people, humans, poking, prodding, snipping and generally messing with her BRAIN is scary! We waited and waited.

When the surgeon came out and told us it was he was very happy with how things went, I felt such an enormous wave of relief. He said the tumor was the size of a very large walnut. It wasn’t the biggest one he had ever seen, but it was quite big. It had wrapped itself around her carotid artery, and they physically couldn’t remove the part that had wrapped around with the instrumentation they had, but there was such a small portion left, and they will monitor it closely with MRIs and can treat with radiation if needed down the road. He said the part of the tumor that was compressing her optic nerve and causing her to lose so much of her vision was gone, and she should have significant improvement in that respect much sooner rather than later. Of course the one of the biggest challenges she will have will be regulating her hormones again. It will take some trial and error and TIME to get things rolling smoothly, but words can’t describe how relieved I was knowing this stranger living in my mom’s brain has been evicted!

When the surgeon left, my sweet Granny burst into tears. (We are cut from the same cloth when it comes to worrying!) The relief she felt just overwhelmed her! Unfortunately that’s right when my dad walked into the waiting room! Poor Dad! It’s amazing how fast your mind can race through a million scenarios, and I could see them all on his face. He had to turn around for a minute until we called him over and told him the news. We all had silent prayers of gratitude in our hearts.

Mom spent a few days in ICU, then a few more a couple floors up. I was able to go see her most days and brought the girls in to visit towards the end. She was able to go home four days after the surgery, and is really doing quite well! Her vision did improve greatly within just a day or two, and although the “brain meds” are still being sorted out, hearing her happy voice on the phone again is truly a blessing.

So now, especially on Mother’s Day, I have so much to be grateful for. Against all odds, really, my Mom is still here. There have been so many times Heavenly Father could have taken her, but I’m convinced there is more for her to do!

I keep thinking of a quote I heard about a month ago during General Conference:

“The future is as bright as your faith.”

I never “lost” faith, and in my mind, I knew everything would be fine, no matter the outcome. But remembering that through our own faith, we can determine, in effect, our futures is what I'm realizing. No, we can’t control events, but we can look within ourselves and chart our attitudes and outlook on these things.

I am excited for the future and what it will bring. Sure, there will be more challenges and things will never get “easy,” but it is indeed looking bright!